Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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