If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
