Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
