so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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