Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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