Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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