Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
