Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
