Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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