all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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