we're blogging at a bar
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
