I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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