you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
