dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
