I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
