it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize