Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
