Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
