i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
