Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
