I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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