what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
