i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if only i could text you this smell
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
