we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
