I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
