i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
