I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
