I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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