I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
