maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
