your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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