I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
