i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
