I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
