i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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