I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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