if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
