the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
