We're facebook friends in real life
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
