question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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