he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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