she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
