Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
