Soap is not a condiment
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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