I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
