I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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