At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
