drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize