so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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