Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
