I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
