so explain again why im purple
no
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
