I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
