And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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