I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're making bets on your personal life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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