I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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