I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
false alarm. still invincible.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His nipple licking is glorious
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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