That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
