go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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