Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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