we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
