I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
