Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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