We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You pole danced in your parka.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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