my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
