the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
