Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
