I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
