your room smells of hookers.
And success
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
