Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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