why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
