i think my mom watched the whole time
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
