i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
